Letters you never send-2

Dear Freddie

You’ve been dead and gone for too long now, but i do still miss you. The rock n roll firmament is considerably duller since your passing. I guess you were heading for an untimely and unseemly death – all those drugs, that debauchery and those parties. How i wish i’d been in London then and managed to find the edge of your magic circle.

I loved Brian and Roger too. Roger was so sweet and butch looking at the same time – how did he manage that? Brian in his unearthly gowns and that shock of hair that was just like my lover’s at the time – all curls and glowering looks too. Although now it seems he was more like you than Brian. Ah, well a lost youth spent adoring the other side.

I had pictures of you all over my walls, you, the band and Bowie as Aladdin Sane, all sparkling and glam and oh so far away from a small town girl on the other side of the world. But i bought all your albums – at one stage i knew every word to every song on A Night at the Opera. I was besotted – I was a huge fan.

And then you died. Suddenly without any real warning. I guess i’d stopped paying close attention – you weren’t so huge, I was having a life of my own – fraught and troublesome in its own way, but you faded, staggered, shrunk away and left us. I was deeply saddened for a long time. It was – oh how cliched – as if part of my youth had died with you. Mortality struck – if your Gods can fall, so can you.

But i have my own memorial to you – along with introducing my girls to your music, and having you on iTunes. My wonderful, entirely beautiful, intelligent and handsome dog is called Zanzibar, in absolute honour of you. I like it because it is a great name for a fab dog and a neat little in-joke for true believers – those who know your origins and what you worked to become, what you over-came.

We’re a poorer world without you. But the music lives on, God knows we Will Rock You will outlast us all  and the others are still here. Some just aren’t as lucky as others. Indeed how did Elton and Keith and so many of your contemporaries not die and you did? Life sucks but music lasts.

Thanks for everything, Freddie. You inspired me when i needed it most, and let me imagine all sorts of worlds through the music, the costumes and the flamboyance. Love you still. xxxx

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