I’m not going into a treatise about the traumas of losing your job, death or separation or the many BIG things that can destroy your life. No, this is about those day to day little things that work into your head, worry at you and corrode away – yes, the endless minutiae of life that conspires against us.
Being patient – sometimes you just have to wait it out – apply for the job, prepare for your exams, send off your manuscript, etc and then sit still. You can’t push the river!!!
Saying the right thing at the right time, especially the cutting, incisive remark you should have made to the arse-h*** who got the better of you! This can needle you for ages as you manage to think up amazing come-backs the moment you’ve left their presence! And there is the niggling worry when someone you care about has misinterpreted what you said – a comment that was meant to be funny but missed its mark by a mile, an offence taken when one was not intended.
Doing the right thing – guilt niggles at you because you missed something small that you should have done that impacts in a negative way on yourself or others and then you’re thinking and worrying about all the other times you got things wrong. It’s too easy to be wrong footed.
Not being resentful – hard not to let this over-take you, to be jealous of others, to rail at the unfairness of the world. This is where you MUST let things go and not dwell on how unfair the world is. Here you have to believe in Karma, let the world deal with it because you can’t – and then be patient… This little beauty can corrode your very being.
Being taken for granted – not being appreciated or recognized for all that you do is galling, especially if someone else gets (or takes) the credit for your work (see not being resentful). And being left out really sucks but sometimes it’s not what you think. Sometimes it’s not about you, it’s about them and you need to do something to take your mind off your hurt, your self pity, your growing rage and fear that you are essentially unlovable. It was probably a very boring party without you!
Wanting to be right, to have the right answer, the last work, get your own way. It doesn’t matter you know, you don’t have to win every argument, sometimes it’s better to let things go, even if you are right.
Needing to be liked – this can really do your head in, it means you worry about everything you say and do in relation to others – it can cripple you if you’re not careful. But you’re not going to be kind or thoughtful or pleasant and professional all the time. So someone you don’t like or respect doesn’t like you either – it doesn’t matter!! Look at the amount of vile people who get ahead. Being nice is over-rated.
Living in the past – not letting things go. This can really do your head in. Dwelling on all the little things that you did or didn’t do, all those mistakes and foolish decisions, looking for patterns that show how bad you are/were is pointless. Just as looking back and seeing how wonderful life was and wishing it could all be like that again – especially when you were thin and energetic and the world was all ahead of you is not a good place to linger.
Remember last week’s blog about Self Soothing for Grown Ups? Return to that list for when moments above strike. Take care of the little things, but don’t let them scar your life. Learn to let things go; forgive yourself, and most importantly be kind to yourself. Live an imperfect life, after all our imperfections are what make us who we are – make us human. (Images courtesy Private Collection)